How to avoid the most common deathbed regrets

most common deathbed regrets

It’s so easy to drift through life busy with the day to day to find ourselves asking Where did all the years go?…

Maybe now is the time to CONSCIOUSLY decide WHAT we want our FUTURE to be…

If you’ve lost someone recently or are dealing with unresolved grief  my heart genuinely goes out to you.

For you, I guess this newsletter may be particularly poignant or difficult to read.

My intention is for it to help all of us make better choices going forward – to learn from the past and live happier, fuller lives.

So how do we CHOOSE a happier future?

Bronnie Ware, a Palliative Care Nurse, wrote a book summarising the deathbed regrets of her patients.

Most common deathbed regrets: Top 5

I wish I had…

1 – Had the courage to be true to me, not what others expected of me

It can take courage to go against the expectations of loved ones and society but it’s better to be at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb than halfway up the wrong one.

Being yourself may be hard to articulate, even to yourself. Maybe you know exactly what you want to do, or maybe all you feel unfulfilled, directionless, apathetic.

A tiny step or small decision are great starting points. Move towards what brings you joy. Be prepared to abandon your current ladder and start again. If you feel rudderless – a coach could be helpful to identify your direction (I recommend Joanne Sumner Life Coach)

2 – Not worked so hard

There is nothing wrong with loving the work we do – in fact, we should AND we need balance to ensure work leaves room for time with and contribution to loved ones, self and community.

True value is not what you own, your worldly accolades but who you are – dying people knew this and wished for a simpler life with greater balance.

3 – Had the courage to express my feelings

Many adults find it hard to express their feelings honestly for fear of judgement or rejection, or the assumption others will magically know.

They usually don’t.

Start with small acts of bravery – compliments, thanks for the help given or a good job done, work up to the big stuff eg expressing your anger/love for an estranged parent.

You can never control the reactions of others but you can release damaging negative emotions and filter/deepen relationships through honest communication.

Ensure you know those you value to know how you feel.

Apologise when you make a mistake, clean the slate of guilt regularly.

4 – Stayed in touch with my true friends

Everyone has friends, but how many would be there through the absolute hardest times.

They offer history, acceptance, love and understanding.

Though lives get busy, these are the friends it’s worth every ounce of effort to maintain your connection with.

5 – Let myself be happier

Be happy now, enjoy the journey rather than focus exclusively on the goal.

Stop self-pity, focus on gratitude.

There will always be learning, some bring sadness some happiness – accept this and make happiness a conscious choice. Be silly and playful.

Focus on what’s positive rather than negative.

We have a chance NOW to review our lives…

Our work-life priorities, the quality of time we spend with loved one’s, the levels of authenticity in our relationships and our communication.

We have an opportunity to grow…

If you need any help, just give me a call – I’m here to support you and doing online video sessions

and I’m restarting Face to Face (2m distanced) sessions from 24th June

Wishing you Well & Happy

Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner
07946 526 838

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