How to stop arguing and manage conflict better

ways to stop arguing

So, how’s the atmosphere at home? …

Long term relationships need win: win outcomes or resentment and tempers will boil over

Is one party focussing solely on their own needs rather than the health of the relationship?

Remember you are on the SAME TEAM – the issue is understanding
NOT who’s right or wrong

Above all, What needs are not being met on each side?

Common Needs that could be suffering right now…

Autonomy Respect Privacy
Security Consideration Support
Connection Appreciation Choice
Peace Understanding Trust

Seek to understand the “Why” with a view to compromising

Ask “Why is this important to you?”

Ask “What is the downside of doing it my way?” (get specifics, not generalisations)

Explain why it’s important to YOU – because they likely will have no idea

Listen and repeat back to check to understand

Avoid saying “No” – try saying “Maybe…” try the idea on before you throw it out

Tips to manage conflict calmly:

  1.  Seek to understand and let the others understand you – ask yourself “what NEED am I/they defending here?”
  2. Keep the focus on the objective rather than getting sidetracked into detail – it’s NEVER about emptying the dishwasher (that one’s probably respect/appreciation)
  3. Look for a win: win outcome – ask “what’s in it for each party” – both parties should walk away reasonably satisfied
  4.  Use good conflict management ground rules: Respect – assume the other person has a reasonable point you just don’t get yet
    Courtesy – no raised voices, name-calling or childish antics
    Uninterrupted listening – wait til the other has finished speaking before replying
    Focus on Future, Focus on solution
  5. If it gets heated agree to take a 5-minute break, calm down and come back to it – use notes if you need help remembering your points
  6. Remember – if you have children, they are watching and learning how to negotiate from you – walk the walk 😉

I’m here to support you – online or face to face in Acton, Chiswick or Windsor.

Wishing you Well & Happy

Crisis Counsellor, Hypnotherapist and EFT practitioner
07946 526 838

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